I have been a part of a women's Bible study once a week for the past few months. It has been such a blessing to sit before such godly women who are truly seeking the Lord daily as a wife and a mother. I have been challenged, encouraged and overwhelmed with wisdom. We are finishing up The Resolution for Women by Priscilla Shirer. I definitely recommend it, by the way! A couple weeks ago I was reading through the chapters about forgiveness. To be honest, I wasn't expecting to be struck deeply as I evaluated my relationships and couldn't pin point a major area of unforgiveness. However, towards the end of the section the Lord gently whispered, "this is for you." She was discussing how resentment and bitterness take root when we are hesitant or refuse to forgive. When we are quick to forgive we are guarding our heart from any root of bitterness! That wasn't too hard to swallow, but then I read this:
"If a mother expects to enjoy her children, she must rapidly release any hurt they inflict upon her, not letting it settle inside and fester into resentment."
"rapidly release"... Suddenly, conviction welled up inside me. I am often guilty of holding Cohen's disobedience against him even after he has been disciplined and apologized. In these times, I find myself still fuming 15 minutes later about something he did while he is joyfully playing again. I realized I am choosing to inhibit myself from enjoying him and demonstrating Christ's complete forgiveness. Somehow I think he needs to really see how much he upset me or that I don't want him to think he is getting away with disrespect or disobedience. In turn, I'm making him pay doubly by my wrong attitude, and I 'm missing out on the joy of those moments because I'm choosing to harbor resentment. Ouch!
I have to choose to forgive him completely in that moment not when I feel like it. Usually this is the toughest when Hector has been away for a few days or we have had a particularly defiant day where the acts of disobedience are racking up. But, the Lord showed me that is no excuse! God forgives me immediately and completely every time I screw up with no lingering harsh tone or attitude. My deepest desire is for Cohen to see Jesus in me and have a desire to know His deep and everlasting love. I have also realized in my flesh and on my own, immediate forgiveness is not possible! I must be abiding in the Spirit to demonstrate this love and forgiveness to my child or anyone else. One thing that has also helped to be a reminder to be quick to forgive is we are teaching Cohen to not just say he is sorry when he has wronged us or anyone else, but to ask for our forgiveness. (Thanks to our good friends John and Virginia Moore for that tip!) Now, I may have to take a deep breath, but there is nothing more convicting than the voice of your 3-yr-old son asking for your forgiveness. I have to pray in that moment and ask the Lord to allow me to forgive him completely and move on...even if we do it all over again in 10 minutes. Only by God's grace will Cohen see how much his mommy and daddy love the Lord and are doing our best to "bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." (Eph. 6:4)
"Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." Hebrews 12:14-15
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