My journey

I wrote this on our previous blog and realize many who are reading now may not have read this and therefore have no idea what is wrong with my eye. So I thought I would just copy that post here for some background on my eye condition. Thanks again for all your prayers! I will be decreasing to 5 mg. this weekend!

October 7, 2010
"In my life personally I have been dealing with a condition called Iritis in my right eye. I was diagnosed with it in early August and still taking heavy medication for it. To be blunt, I’m done with it! I’m done being on steroids which are keeping me from sleeping well, making my skin dry, not being able to wear contacts, having one dilated eye and therefore not seeing clearly. At first, the doctors were unsure of the cause and therefore hopeful it would not return and be easy to treat. But, 4 doctors later and many trips to Emory Eye Center, lab tests have shown that I am HLA-B27 positive. This basically means I am now in a category of people who are more likely to get a certain group of auto-immune diseases; Iritis being one of them. The disheartening news is that the chances of this being a chronic problem are now more likely. I can’t even imagine dealing with this over and over again. I tried to slowly come off the oral steroids about a week ago and as I decreased, my symptoms returned. This was and is very overwhelming. I was praying hard that it was gone and I was on the mend. Not so, and now I’m back on a higher dose and going to try to decrease the dosage over the next 4-5 weeks.

Aside from the logistics and details of this condition, I have been seeking the Lord on His purpose in all this. To be transparent, I have always been healthy and if not, it’s only been for a time and I have been able to DO something to improve my health. With the results of the HLA-B27 test, I find myself completely powerless to improve my condition or prevent it from coming back. It is one of the most hopeless and helpless situations I have found myself. Yes, I can keep myself as healthy as possible by exercise, eating right and vitamins, but there is little evidence that lifestyle changes can decrease your chances of getting another one of these diseases or not having chronic Iritis. Therefore, I’m forced to totally put my trust in the Lord and depend on Him. For those who know me well, I like to be in control and there is just no way to be in complete control of this situation. And I’m being stretched! The Lord is reminding me that He is sovereign and in control of my life in every detail. He’s reminding me that my full dependence has to be on Him and He is the ultimate healer. But, I’m also learning that He may not chose to heal me and he may allow this to remain a part of my life as a constant reminder of my dependence on Him. And I have to be o.k. with that.

I am clinging to verses that affirm the Lord’s work in my life and trusting that He made no mistake when He created me. This one in particular I have found myself turning to often. “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth.” (Ps. 139:13-15) There is peace and comfort in knowing He is in control, but I still have so many moments of fear and anxiousness. My favorite verse, Phil 4:4-7 has also taken on a new meaning and importance, “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

I guess I just needed some time to write and process some of this, but I also ask for your prayers. Like I said before, I am convinced that God is big enough to heal me completely. But, at the same time I have to also know He may not and I am still called to Rejoice and give Him glory in my life. I ask that you join me in prayer as I continue to heal physically and as the Lord continues to refine my heart. I pray He received the glory through it all! Thanks for reading and joining me on this journey of prayer and trust in a God who works everything for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose! (Rom. 8:28)."