I am only 27 for one more day. Yikes, 28 sounds old to me. Most days I have to remind myself I am not in college any more and I have been out for 5 years!! What?? It seems like yesterday I was a newlywed just finishing college. No, I am not depressed about turning 28, I'm just coming to grips with the fact that yes, I am getting older and time is not standing still. I guess since having Cohen I watch him grow so fast but I forget that means I'm getting older too. Maybe other moms can relate. Regardless of how I feel, my birthday is almost here. I sat tonight praying and reflecting on my last year. It has been so full of sweet moments as well as sad, frustrating and difficult moments.
It was right around this time last year the first symptoms of my eye condition began to show up. It was a cloudy and confusing couple months of jumping from doctor to doctor and being on varying levels of medication before we found out it was an autoimmune condition I may deal with the rest of my life. (You can read more on this here.) I had no idea I would still be treating this condition a year later. God has taught me so much about trusting in His sovereign control and plan for me through this "thorn in my flesh." No one really knows what Paul was talking about when he refers to his thorn in his flesh (2 Cor. 12:7-9), and I don't intend to act as if I know. But I do know what Paul says is so true to what I feel God is teaching me through this: "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong" (vs.9-10). This condition has not limited me in the way Paul may have been, but it has opened my eyes to the truth that I am weak, but He is strong! I can't be the mom to Cohen, the wife to Hector, the teacher to our youth, the daughter, the sister or the friend God has called me to be on my own! I need Him and I can boast in my weakness because when I do, He is glorified. I can plan and dream, but I have to recognize that God is in control and I have to be able to bend to His plan. God began showing me this as I walked through this journey with my eye, but he has really been teaching me this lesson everywhere I turn. I pray I am beginning to get it and allowing this truth to change me. I am so grateful for this past year of stretching, learning, hurting, and growing.
It has also been an exciting year of firsts for Cohen. I won't go into too much detail as most of my posts have summed up our year. It has been a joy watching him become a little person and seeing his personality show up. We have learned that he is expressive, bashful around new people like his Mommy, loves to make people laugh like his Daddy, full of life and energy, all boy, sensitive to others' feelings, and somewhat of a perfectionist. We are fervently praying for wisdom to guide and direct the boy God has made him into the man He desires him to be.
I am grateful for another year to be a wife and a mommy. As I look toward another year, I pray I am faithful to the Lord's calling in every area on my life as I depend upon His sufficient power. And when I fail, I pray I have the humility to admit it and crawl back to the feet of Jesus and ask Him to pick me up and help me persevere.
